he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
