Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize