I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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