Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Randomize
