I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
