that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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