It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
