so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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