mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
