my mouth tastes like poor choices
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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