i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The ass gains better be worth it
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