Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
