our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
