How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dignity is for republicans.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
