Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
