I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
