How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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