Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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