if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this just has baby written all over it
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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