I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
