dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
