My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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