I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
