I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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