I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
