Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize