And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
