I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
