best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
