You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
