My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
