It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
