Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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