Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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