I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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