my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
