Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We had to coat check the pizza.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
