one two three fourrrrnication!
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
