i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
