I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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