I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
