So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
