I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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