I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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