we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
