Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
