is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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