I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize