Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize