I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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