just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
