Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She needs sedatives and a leash
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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