If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
