He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
