Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
