Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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