i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
should my penis look like a turkey
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
