Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
