If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
