I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
