he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
