so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want to make out with him forever
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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