I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
