New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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