At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
